She's definitely hiding something

In this episode, the concept of concealment is addressed. It's essential to be transparent in relationships. If you aren't upfront in relationships, there is the potential for unreviled and unresolved issues to hinder the relationship's progress.

Transcript

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Hello, welcome back to Once I Knew a Girl, a podcast that explores navigating the complexities of relationships. I'm Sam Bailey, your host, and I want to thank all of you for joining today. If you are a first-time listener, I encourage you to go back and check out episode one, which gives an overview of what Once I Knew a Girl is and some of the topics that we're going to Explore. If you are a returning subscriber, I appreciate your support and I want to encourage you to share this podcast with others as well. Just want to let you know you can find this podcast on all major platforms, including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon, Audible, Pandora, and any other major platforms that are out there. So please, please, Take note and share. Today, I want to bring up a topic that I believe is important. And that is, once I knew a girl who is definitely hiding something. So the topic on the table today is to conceal or not to conceal. Kind of Shakespearean, right, in nature. That is the question. And I think if we were all honest, we would have to admit that We are not always as transparent as possible. I think it's unwise to reveal everything to everyone and often say that if you are a real gentleman, there are three things that a real gentleman never tells. Never talks about his money, how much he makes or how much he doesn't make. I mean, if I was rich, you wouldn't know it. If I was broke, you wouldn't know it. He never talks about his love life or his next move. It's okay to know how to move in silence and to be confident in the moves that you make, especially if the move that you're making puts you in a better position in life, but this is not always the case. It's never wise on certain occasions to share your deepest, darkest, emotional feelings, right? Especially on public platforms. I'm reminded of a line from The Godfather, 1972, Don Corleone. He said, never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking. That's true and that's applicable, but that doesn't always necessarily apply when it comes to relationships. And I think it's important for us to realize that Fellas, ladies love confidence, but tend to shy away from cockiness. And if you desire for a woman to be transparent with you, you must be willing to display warmth, openness. And often for us, the problem comes when we find ourselves in a situation where we realize that she's not giving up as much as you are. And that goes vice versa, right, ladies? There are some men who are not giving up. information that is crucial and vital to the development of the relationship. So as a general rule of thumb, never share deeply personal, intimate, relational information with someone with whom you don't have just as much information on them as they have on you. I know that sounds odd, but you got to be careful. There's always a Brutus or a Judas waiting to surface and just backstab you at the right time. So sometimes you have to have that leverage when you talk about relationships. And when you think about what it means to conceal, It's probably something that you already know. It just really means to keep from sight or from being known. You know what deceit is? Deceit is when something or someone promises something that they cannot deliver. So many of our relationships begin deceitful, right? Like the garden, like the serpent told Eve that if you eat of this fruit, you're going to be wise like God. God is holding something back from you. Oh, this fruit looks good to the eye. It tastes good. And you're going to have this wisdom unknown on to you. It was deceitful, but what was the problem was that this fruit, this so-called fruit did not give Eve what she thought it would give her. It just brought her into a place that she could never really recover from. So when you think about concealment, it's to keep it out of sight. So when I meet someone or when I did on the dating scene. I'm no longer on the dating scene. But when you meet someone or meet a young lady, the first question you ask yourself or you should ask yourself is, can I trust her? And many men make this mistake of trying to pry or force or guilt trip information out of a woman only to their own detriment. I believe a good woman will volunteer any information up front knowing that she wants no surprises to come out later and she wants to earn your trust. Yes, I said it, she must earn your trust and you must earn hers as well. So some of us are in relationships right now and you need to go back and retroactively ask questions about whether she's earned your trust or not. And how can you tell if she's holding things back from you? Well, you can be able to experience it and feel it when you come into a deeper level of intimacy. And when we talk about intimacy, right? I'm not talking about physical contact. We always think that it means touching and making out and something physical, but I'm talking about Intimacy, into me you see, right? It comes from sharing information. It comes from reciprocity. Her stories don't always match up. That's an indicator. You asked her before, she has a different answer. Her stories don't match up. She deflects, changes the subject when you begin to talk about certain situations from her past. And after all, all of us are just still products of our environment, whether it be good or bad. It's difficult to shake where you've come from. You can take us out of the environment, but you often can't take the environment out of us. And so it's important to consider a person's origins, as I stated in the first episode, whether it be good or bad. And so in relating to a woman, and when you're relating to a woman, rather, and you perceive that she doesn't show you herself or she gives you half the story. You must address your own fragility dealing with her. And if you're not careful, this type of woman will bring out the insecurities in yourself that you didn't even know you had. And some of us didn't know we were insecure until we connected to a could not play mind reader or we didn't have the emotional energy to track down a person to see where they are and see who they're talking with and checking their phone and following them and tracking them. That's not what a relationship ought to be. And I've said this before publicly. Now, you guys, if two grown people want to do something, there's nothing you can do to stop them. So it doesn't really make sense in that context. that realm to be chasing after somebody. But I know a lot of people do it. And if you're doing all that, that may not be yours in the first place, right? Because what's yours is going to want to be with you and it's going to want to remain with you and you won't have to do all that. But this type of woman who's concealing, she will rarely volunteer information. And when you confront her about the lack of disclosure, you'll say, hey, you don't talk to me. You don't communicate with me. She'll just reply with the, I have no idea what you're talking about, right? And you feel like, Does she just gaslight me? Am I crazy? It's almost like she unconsciously makes you feel stupid for even questioning, even bringing up the possibilities that she could be concealing vital information to the growth of your relationship. So if you already had trust issues, maybe you didn't trust your father. Maybe you didn't trust your mother. Maybe you didn't trust authority figures in your life, or you already had issues with opening up to people on a different level. This definitely doesn't help. I have no idea what you're talking about. Well, you begin to feel stupid. Then you begin to withdraw. And then it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, which says, I can't and maintain healthy relationships. So if you have trust issues, you should not be involved with a woman that you don't trust. And that goes for you ladies as well. You would be surprised though, to find out how many men are attracted to women Because they seem like they're mysteries. There's something mysterious about her. And I always say this about quiet people. Just because someone is quiet doesn't mean that they're humble or nice or sweet. She could be quiet, but she could be a junkyard dog. We always mistake that. And that's the thing about people that talk a lot. We always think that they're crazy or outgoing and they're out of whack or don't know what they're talking about. And a quiet person always gets... mistaken for being meek and humble and lowly, but that's not always the case. So these type of people, their whole life goals of relationships are just to get by as long as they can without giving the information. And then you find yourself having to peel back layers, almost like you were peeling back an orange, only to discover that was not an orange, but a peach. How frustrating is that? I've been peeling and peeling. I'm trying to get down to this orange juice and I find apple juice. I'm going to say also though, guys, it's unfair for you to expect her to be open and transparent with you when you yourself are a well full of secrets. But I'm just addressing this idea that You have given her all she needs to know up front. I'm assuming that, right? So you've given her all she needs to know up front, and then you're letting her choose what to do with that information. And that's what I believe. Give me the information up front. Don't try to predict what my response or my reaction is or worry about that. Let me decide how I can choose with it, how I choose. to respond. Maybe we talk about it and work it out. Maybe we move on from here. But using deceit and deception to keep me in a place where I should have the choice to decide where I want to be is a problem. And so one of the other problems with a woman that hides things from you is that you can't trust her even in straightforward conversations. She will Rarely, if ever, tell you how she feels about things so you can decide. She lures you in through her mystique, right? And you begin to say things. This is how it starts. There's just something about her that draws her to me. She probably has an interesting story. She's engaging, enlightening. And still, she may also have another lover, one that she's not quite done with or one that she might be interested in. But She keeps you on the line as a backup plan, as a safety valve, waiting to see how you guys gel before she moves forward into the unknown with you. And if you allow yourself to be captivated by her, you're going to find that this pattern of slow dripping information will come back to haunt you in the end. And then as you crescendo up to the grand finale, you'll discover At some random moment, at some random time, some random place, that everything you thought about her was wrong. And I think the most disheartening part of this revelation is that once you confront her about the concealment, she'll deny that she ever hid anything. And then she'll tell you that, I tried to tell you, but you're not listening. So I do believe being vulnerable is necessary for human interaction and for relationships to thrive and flourish. And even when you find yourself hurt by a woman or a man or just hurt in life in general, allow yourself to just keep loving and keep being vulnerable and keep being open and keep putting love out into the universe, into the world. You know, I don't like to see men walking around saying things like, I've been hurt, that's why I can't love again. No, there's no one size fits all. All of us have a great capacity because there's a great God, right? That should live in all of us and we should recognize that he's in all of us and we have a capacity to love. And so as this guide explains, In your love life and in relationships, we have to be resilient and resilient in our spirit because she may not get you now, he may not get you now, but one day they'll look back and realize that they had a good thing. So we should seek. Thank you so much. In it, she knows it's the framework of who she is. She knows her past will not define her, nor will she let you define her by it. You want someone who talks purposely about life and who's very optimistic about possibilities and speaks truth and life into situations regardless of who's involved. So there is such a thing, y'all. When you're playing the game hide and go seek, when we used to play when we were little, That there is such a thing of hiding too well, right? The purpose is hiding that you're in a place where potentially you can be found. And there's always somebody who messes up the game, who hides too good. We've been looking for you for three days now. We can't find you. It messes up the game. Look for the type of woman who hides from you just enough to make you seek her. Which, fellas, that isn't our instinct to do, right? Betas don't do that. They want the woman to come after them and do all of the work. You'll see that in the end, if you take the time to pursue after her heart, you're going to be rewarded greatly by a woman who is loving, who is open, who is affectionate, and transparent. And a transparent woman can be your greatest ally, but one who conceals could be your greatest detriment. Even The Holy Scriptures force us to ask a critical question. Proverbs 31, who can find a virtuous woman? For her worth is far above rubies in the heart of a man that safely trusted her. We have to choose wisely. And I think it's important as we wrap up this episode today to encourage a lot of our young men or just men in general that we have to think about A lot of the information that we are airing out in public spheres, public arenas, and really consider what does it mean to have a truly intimate relationship where there's honesty, transparency, and real, authentic connection. That's what it's about, y'all, making connections. Ladies, we cannot read your mind. It's not our job. to fulfill the role of your dad. It's not even oftentimes our job to be your best friend. And that's a whole nother episode, but it's our job to understand who you are, where you are, what you need, and create that type of atmosphere where the reciprocity is alive. I give, you give, and we come into that cycle of what it means to truly be intimate with one another. Thank you guys for joining this episode. You got to check it out next time right here on Once I Knew a Girl. Thank you.